From fambushing to location sharing: 5 questions to ask teens

When Meg St-Esprit’s teen texted, “Mom, can you grab nuggets?”—with a screenshot showing her location less than a mile away—she saw more than a quick-snack request. As a former school counselor turned tech journalist and full-time mom, St-Esprit saw a glimpse of “fambushing,” the latest twist in family location sharing.

A combination of the words family and ambushing, it happens when teens check someone’s location and ambush them with a request or surprise visit. Motivations range from simple errands, like grabbing a snack on the way home, to playful surprises and pranks that can show up as fambushing reaction videos on social media.

Fambushing raises questions about location-sharing, including how to draw the line between “fun” and “going too far.” Here’s some expert advice on how to talk to your teens about fambushing and location sharing.

1. Are you fambushing for social media?

A major driver behind fambushing is the popularity of these videos on social media. More users are posting videos of themselves surprising family members by using location sharing. According to Erin Pash, a licensed family therapist who specializes in parent-teen boundaries, this opens the door to discuss ethics and consent, especially around turning family moments into “content.”

“The person being filmed didn’t necessarily consent to becoming content,” says Pash. “When fambushing becomes content creation, we lose sight of whether the interaction is genuinely wanted or whether someone’s privacy and dignity are being sacrificed for views and likes.”

Two questions for helpful conversations:

• Why should you ask for someone’s permission before posting about them to social media?
• How would you feel if someone surprised you in this way and then posted about it without your consent?

2. Why are we sharing locations with each other as a family?

Location sharing can be a great safety feature, as well as a way for your child to get nuggets while you’re out. What matters, says Pash, is that you’re clear about why you’re using it. Make sure the focus is on safety, coordination and connection.

Two questions for helpful conversations:

• Why is it important to use location sharing as a family?
• What goals should we set for our location sharing?

3. Where do we draw the line between privacy and protection?

For St-Esprit, location tracking brings peace of mind in an unpredictable world. But her kids know that if her location sharing is temporarily turned off, it’s because she’s shopping for a holiday or seeing friends.

Pash says parents should model the privacy they expect from their kids. That means not checking their kids’ locations obsessively and understanding that sometimes they might want more privacy.

Two questions for helpful conversations:

• What times, places or situations should be considered private, even with location sharing enabled?
• What situations, such as work hours, date nights or friend time, are considered private, meaning it’s not okay to show up unannounced?

4. How do we keep trust at the heart of location sharing?

If parents can check their kids’ locations and devices, why can’t kids do the same? St-Esprit explains that it’s a fair question, but not everything can work both ways—including the fact that she can turn off her location-tracking and her kids can’t.

Explaining why the rules don’t go both ways can help build trust, she says. “We try to give our kids the ‘why’ as much as possible, because it helps them accept non-negotiables,” St-Esprit says. “It’s not that we don’t trust you. It’s that the world is unpredictable, and it’s important that we know where you are.”

Two questions for helpful conversations:

• How can we build trust without relying on checking locations?
• What would need to change for us to feel comfortable with less location checking?

5. When is location sharing no longer needed?

Pash says that for kids 16 and up, too much location checking can actually hinder independence. She suggests having regular check-ins with your kids to see if the settings are still developmentally appropriate.

Two questions for helpful conversations:

• Are there specific times or situations in which we no longer need to use location tracking?
• Does this feature still benefit you in terms of safety or keeping track of your device?

Location sharing is an important safety feature, and fambushing can be a lighthearted byproduct. The key is to use location monitoring intentionally and to use the technology to supplement—not replace—real-life skills like communication.

“If we’re using technology to bypass the messy work of building trust and teaching responsibility,” Pash says, “we may be creating long-term problems while solving short-term anxiety.”

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