From teen group chats to canceled hangouts: Keeping up with your kid’s plans

Texts, story replies, memes—these are how teens make plans now. That means decisions and invitations can happen in a teen group chat and other places where parents are rarely present, and it signals a shift in how teens navigate friendships: Planning today is digital-first.

It’s great that they feel independent—but not so great when they forget to check in with the adults first.

“The surprise plan situation is part of navigating life as a family today,” says parenting and technology expert Devorah Heitner, Ph.D., author of “Screenwise” and “Growing Up in Public.” She’s experienced it as a parent and says we need to lean into it—with some ground rules.

Keep a shared family calendar.

Whether it’s a smart frame, a calendar app or a whiteboard, a central spot for plans helps everyone stay on the same page. When teens know what’s coming up, they’re less likely to buy movie tickets for the same night as Grandma’s birthday dinner. Encourage your teens to add their own plans, too—it’s a simple way to build responsibility and avoid mix-ups.

Understand the emotional calculus behind “Yes.”

Peer approval, FOMO and social status often drive teens to say yes more than genuine excitement does. While planning feels emotional, not just logistical, teens often say okay out of a desire for belonging.

Teach kids to ask questions when plans happen in a teen group chat.

When that notification dings with social plans, many teens are off and running. Make asking questions in the group chat part of your ongoing conversation about their digital lives. Coach your kids to pause and ask for a bit more information before saying yes to plans. For example:

• Sleepover at a friend’s house? Suggest that they text back, “Who’s driving?”
• Ticketed event? The response: “Should I get my own ticket, or pay you back with a cash app?”

Talk about the plans they’ve already made.

Ask teens and tweens about any upcoming plans made in the teen group chat during car rides or around the dinner table and get curious about all things related to their social calendar. Try these conversation starters:

• “What’s the last plan you made with your friends over text?”
• “Have you ever shown up somewhere and the plan totally fell apart?”
• “Is there anything about making or changing plans with friends that stresses you out?”

Then talk with teens about group chat plans that went well, and hangouts that didn’t go as they expected. You may be able to help them understand why—and plan better next time.

What’s your plan if nobody shows up?

Kids are still figuring out how to handle their own plans and last-minute changes, and that’s totally normal. They make plans to meet at the movie theater in the teen group chat, but the group ends up at two different locations. Or they forget to reply to a friend to confirm a meetup and show up alone.

Those are teachable moments. Talk about crossed signals, scheduling mishaps or plans that fall apart before they happen. And remind kids frequently that you’re always a text away if they need help.

Let there be mistakes.

Adolescent brains move fast and don’t always think through logistics. Encourage kids to slow down so they can make plans in the teen group chat that go off without a hitch. Heitner says parents should consider each social situation in the context of the stakes and let the kids stumble a little at times. For example:

• Biking to a friend’s house for dinner, but their friend’s parents turned them away at the door? Let them learn from that—their friend needs to ask first.
• They didn’t notice the chat said, “sign the online waiver and bring grip socks” at the trampoline park. So they sit out 15 minutes while it gets sorted. Next time they ask about waivers and gear.

Keep tabs digitally with no drama.

The best way to raise tech-smart kids—both in and out of the teen group chat—is to keep the lines of communication open, but parents have other tools in their toolbox. Verizon Family Plus has location sharing and driving insights to help parents breathe easier while granting the independence that teens crave. Walking home after a hangout? Use Verizon Family Plus Safe Walk and SOS to help them feel safe door to door.

Knowing your kid’s location can help you stay in sync in case plans go awry. The tools you have now can help you stay informed, too. It’s less about hovering and more about helping your kid learn to ask the important questions before they say yes: Where are we going? Who’s going to be there? Do I even want to go?

You’re there for them with Verizon Family. Verizon’s there for you—including an industry-leading 3-year price lock.*

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