Think your teen has a hidden app? Get steps to keep them safe online.

When your child makes a secret account, uses hidden apps, borrows a device from a friend or finds a way around your rules, the first instinct is often to shut it down. But it can be more helpful to get curious about how and why it happened. Experts say it’s not about shutting it down. It’s more about building trust.

For Rachel Hoyt, her first clue was a subtle shift in her 10-year-old’s behavior.

“He suddenly had a lot to say about [a popular online game],” she says — especially for a kid who wasn’t allowed to play it. “It was more than just hearing it from friends.”

Then came the charges: small purchases that quickly added up to $200. Somewhere between school conversations and access to shared family devices, he had created his own account. While they were able to get a refund, Hoyt had to have a tough conversation.

But instead of simply deleting the account, she linked it to her email, added parental controls and used the moment to reset expectations. That choice gets at a challenge many parents now face: When kids sneak tech, what actually helps?

Why kids sneak in the first place

There’s no one reason why kids sneak tech. Some are curious. Some feel like they don’t have enough freedom. Some are bored. Hoyt’s son felt left out. His friends were playing, and he wanted in.

Uncovering the “why” behind kids sneaking tech matters as much, if not more, than the “how,” says clinical psychologist Emily Edlynn, Ph.D. And when you’re having the discussion, “focus on how you talk about technology with your child more than the tech itself,” she advises.

It can feel alarming when a child hides an app or creates an account without permission, but hidden apps or secret accounts often reflect a bigger reality: digital access, peer influence and independence often show up before parents are ready. Keep this in mind: By the time kids reach their teen years, nearly half say they’re online almost constantly, according to Pew Research Center. The same study found that 40% of parents report regular conflict over screens and social media.

Edlynn points to “finstas,” slang for private or “fake” Instagram accounts, which some teens use to hide posts from parents while keeping a more visible account for adults and family.

“When discussing alternate accounts like finstas, allow for conversation about the reasons to not allow it and why your teen would be tempted to create one,” says Edlynn. “The less judgment and shame in these conversations, the more honesty and openness you will experience with your child.”

What to do if your child has a secret account

There’s no perfect script, but experts tend to agree on a few patterns that work better than a full lockdown:

• Start with curiosity. Ask what drew your child in before deciding what happens next. Social pressure, curiosity, boredom — when you understand the reason, you can address the cause.
• Make it about trust. Frame the conversation around honesty and respect. That helps kids know it's about more than just tech. It’s about how your family handles independence and accountability.
• Resist the urge to overcorrect. Locking everything down can backfire and push kids to become more secretive. Talk openly about the risks of hidden apps, secret accounts or borrowed devices, while leaving room for them to ask for access as they grow.
• Set guardrails you can both stick to. Expectations should be clear, realistic and consistent. Rules only work when parents can follow through.
• Leave a path back to independence. Kids need to know how to rebuild trust. Without that, mistakes tend to lead to more secrecy rather than better choices.

Bea Moise, a board-certified cognitive specialist and member of Verizon’s Parenting in a Digital World editorial team, says that this type of sneaking is not always avoidable, but family conversations can reduce it.

“Parents should set clear expectations early by defining what’s allowed around alternate accounts, second devices and hidden apps,” she says. “Talk to kids about it in terms of safety, honesty and accountability — not just control.”

What rebuilding trust can look like

After some initial consequences, Hoyt made a move many parents resist: She loosened the rules slightly. She didn’t grant full access. Instead, she made it something her son could earn by meeting expectations and doing chores.

Moise says that approach can make sense. “When trust is broken, more restriction is the last thing you want to do,” she says. “When you heighten the restriction, it only makes a child want to figure out alternative ways to break the rules.”

The better move is to create limits that are clear and sustainable.

“You have to come up with something that you can follow through with, but also have a conversation with your kid about what these new guardrails are,” Moise says. “Typically, kids do well when expectations are clear.”

In Hoyt’s case, the rules were clearly defined before the game was allowed again. Her kids had to play where she could see what they were doing and accept the end of screen time without a fight.

“It went okay for the first time,” Hoyt says. “I’m reluctantly optimistic.”

Play the long game

Expecting perfect results (no sneaking tech, no surprises) isn’t realistic. But parenting to help build long-term judgment is.

Moise says parents are raising future adults who will need to navigate the internet without constant oversight. “By the later teen years, the goal shifts from monitoring to mentoring, helping them practice independent decision-making before adulthood,” she says.

That means restrictions should gradually loosen, but in a way that’s intentional, communicated and tied to trust rather than age alone.

“When your child feels like you understand their experience, that family rules are for their health and well-being, and that they have a voice,” Edlynn says, “they will trust you and share more.”

That trust can do more to keep kids safer online than punishment alone.

We’ve got you: You’re there for them with Verizon Family. Verizon’s there for you — including our 3-year price lock*.

*Learn more about our 3-year price lock guarantee.