Alexa, what is digital parenting?
If you’re wondering what it means, you’re not alone. The easy answer: It’s an extension of your own parenting style, with a few twists.
The receptionist at the pediatrician’s office handed me a clipboard and a stack of forms. There were questions: “How many hours of television do you let your kid watch? How many minutes do they spend on the computer or laptop? How much access do they have to their cellphone or tablet? Do they keep tech in their room? How much screen time do you allow your kids?”
My most honest answer would be “I don’t know.” I left the answers blank, in silent protest, because I didn’t want the doctors (or anyone else) telling me my digital parenting style was fundamentally wrong.
Generation tech
My kids have been thoroughly immersed in technology from day one. My husband is a software engineer who has worked at startups for most of his career. I’m a writer and editor; before that, I practiced law. We’ve always worked long hours on our computers, at the office and at home. We’re glued to our mobile phones and our laptops out of necessity. And then, of course, by choice. We need downtime entertainment. Streaming services, online games, podcasts, audiobooks: Yeah, we made time for those too.
School only reinforced our tech-centric examples. My kids were told they needed a device to complete assignments. Every kid in the district had to rent a laptop. They needed smartphones to stay socially connected. They needed to download apps to answer questions in class.
At the same time, I’m aware of the concerns about too much screen time.
Defining the role of a digital parent
What is digital parenting?
Deborah MacNamara, child-development counselor and faculty member at the Neufeld Institute, writes that “the role of adults in a digital world is to buffer against the technological turn.” She says that children need the adults in their lives to help them navigate technology.
But how do we guide our children? Sarah Werle Kimmel, digital parenting coach and founder of Family Tech, says it starts with three things.
- Manage the device
- Monitor messages
- Filter content
Managing the device means activating the parental controls built into the phone or tablet. Then, when your child is old enough to start typing messages and sharing their own content, you can outsource monitoring and filtering to a parental controls app, such as Verizon Family. But the hardest—or the easiest?—part starts with talking to your kids.
Can we talk?
Elizabeth Milovidov, an internet safety expert, says, “The best part is that you already have the most important skill in the mix—the ability to listen and ensure an open dialogue with your child.”
This is solid advice, especially if you have any hints that something’s bothering them—because, believe it or not, your kid might find it easier to confess a problem to a bunch of strangers on the internet than to approach you, their loving parent.
One way to start is to get everybody’s expectations down together on paper. If you’re interested in drawing up a digital contract with your kids, expect some resistance. Try to get them involved in the process, share reasons for each rule and negotiate the terms together. The Family Online Safety Institute has two great contracts—for kids under 13 and one for those over 13—that you can print out, sign together and stick on the fridge.
Getting on the same page is no easy task when you have kids at different ages and stages. This “Age-Based Guide” does a nice job of running through stages of the typical tech in each age group’s environment, and how those parental controls need to change as kids grow up.
What’s your digital parenting style?
Digital parenting styles generally fall into one of three categories. Based on how parents limit and guide their child’s screen time, they can be considered enablers, limiters or mentors.
- Enablers give free rein.
- Limiters minimize access.
- Mentors actively guide their kids on how to use technology and the internet.
Experts say the mentoring approach can sustain a family from a child’s first device until she heads to college. This approach doesn’t just mean to hand over a device and walk away, and it doesn’t mean you should hover over the kid’s every move, either. Instead, you talk through what’s happening—discussing apps or messages together, explaining why something seems trustworthy or not. This approach means making it your goal to be actively engaged but not overly involved.
If the expert opinions and terms leave your head spinning, don’t worry. It might help to remember that these digital spaces are extensions of everyday life. Digital parenting is not meant to replace regular parenting. It’s an extension of how you parent your child in real life.
You’re doing great
Follow whatever parenting advice you find helpful—and most of all, trust your own intuition and let it guide you. Chances are, dear reader, you’re doing fine.
You’re there for them with Verizon Family. Verizon’s there for you—including our 3-year price lock*.
*Learn more about our 3-year price lock guarantee.
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Digital parenting with Verizon Family Plus
- Use screen-time and content filters to guide, not just restrict, your child’s early phone use.
- Watch call/text activity as a conversation starter: Discuss who they connect with and why it matters.
- Use “Safe Walk” or Location Alerts to stay present virtually, not hover emotionally, from the front door to their first drive.
- Later, review driving insights together, like sudden braking or top speed, and guide them toward safe habits.
verizon.com/parenting
