A Guide to Managing Media for Teens and Tweens

For many kids, one of the primary ways they can access digital media is through their cell phones. According to The Common Sense Census report linked above, over half of the children in the United States have a cell phone by the time they are 11 years old. And even if they don’t own or use their own personal cell phone, many children can use a family member’s phone or tablet for online entertainment. Sometimes, even young children are allowed to play with their parents’ phones and tablets, prompting much debate about the age that kids should start having screen time.

Similarly, there has been much debate and research about the effects that mobile technology can have on children, their physical and mental health, and their overall wellbeing. Some of the most concerning potential impacts include:

• Higher rates of eye strain and other eye issues;
• Loss of sleep;
• Increases in depressive symptoms;
• Delays in meeting common adolescent and adult milestones;
• Potential development of cell phone addiction.

Many of these adverse physical and mental health consequences can affect adults too, but children are generally thought to be at a higher risk. This isn’t to say that children are guaranteed to suffer from any negative health or behavioral effects because of using mobile technology — just that exorbitant amounts of unchecked use can have an impact on your child that you, as a parent, need to be aware of.

Computers and televisions are another major source of digital media for children. Watching videos, television shows, and movies are how teens and tweens spend most of their time online. The Common Sense Census found that tweens watch roughly one hour and 23 minutes of television per day, while teens watch slightly more (around one hour and 45 minutes). Many teens and tweens also use their computers to watch different types of videos, including television and social media videos.

There is a bit of a grey area related to computer and television usage among teens and tweens when it comes to homework, particularly if they’re multitasking. Almost half of teenagers and one-third of tweens use a computer every week for their homework. Multitasking (including watching television or listening to music while doing homework) is far more common among teens than tweens, and can easily contribute to the high amount of daily screen time. Both teens and tweens claim that engaging with digital media while doing homework does not negatively affect its quality, but research does indicate that watching television can lead to lower academic performance.

Video games are now almost universally accessible to children who can use a smartphone, computer, or tablet; and they don’t have to use a traditional gaming console to do so. Per The Common Sense Consensus, 46% of both teens and tweens play mobile games daily, while roughly only 25% play on gaming consoles and only 15% play computer games. Though teens and tweens of all demographics do play video games to some extent, all types of gaming are more popular with boys than with girls.

The effects that video games have on teenagers (especially violent ones) aren’t entirely clear, with some studies claiming they can boost aggression and others finding the exact opposite. There are some health risks that can come from playing video games excessively, including video game addiction and reduced psychological functioning. However, playing video games with other people can help teenage boys form friendships, both in-person and online. As with other popular types of digital media, it’s important to understand how your teen or tween interacts with video games on a regular basis, as well as how they are affected by playing them.

Because of the risks associated with too much screen time of any kind, more and more parents are using controls to better manage their adolescents’ overall screen time. This often includes setting restrictions on the number of hours per day and times of day when a phone, gaming console, or device can be used.

The internet is rife with content that is inappropriate for adolescents, especially younger teens and tweens. Many parental control technologies allow parents to put up safe content filters to try and prevent their children from viewing explicit, gory, adult, and other inappropriate material, although there have been some concerns about how well content filters actually work.

It’s all too easy to make a purchase online, such as when downloading a new app, playing a game online, or shopping for products. While younger children may accidentally make purchases, older adolescents may do so intentionally. Purchase restrictions can help prevent unauthorized or unintentional purchases, or require your children to get your approval first.

Most devices, especially smartphones and tablets, have built-in GPS technology. This makes it incredibly simple for parents to keep an eye on their children’s whereabouts, including tracking their location in real-time. Some parental controls also offer geofencing, which will alert you if your child enters or leaves an area they aren’t supposed to.

Many parental controls also allow you to control who your children are chatting with online. This may mean restricting phone calls and text messages to certain people, ensuring children can’t talk to strangers online, or flagging any inappropriate messages for review.

If your child has a cell phone, you’ll likely want to consider installing parental controls on it, especially if it’s a smartphone. Most major cell phone providers offer family phone plans that provide helpful features like location tracking, content filters, and internet pausing. You can get in touch with your provider to discuss more specific options to suit your needs, such as plans and gadgets tailored for your child’s age, which can be useful if your child already has their own phone.

If you’re looking at purchasing a phone for your tween, you may want to consider products specifically designed for children. Many of these kid-friendly devices have parental controls already built in, and can be a great way to help set your child up for success as they learn more about becoming a responsible digital citizen.

In addition to phones themselves, you may also want to set up parental controls on your child’s social media accounts. Most social media sites require users to be at least 13 years old before they can create an account (although some children can and do lie about their birthdate while signing up), and many do not have explicit parental control features integrated into the platform itself. However, each of the major social media platforms commonly used by teens and tweens do have privacy and account settings that you can use for a similar purpose.

• Facebook: Facebook has myriad privacy settings that you can use to protect your child’s account. You can make their account private, ensure that they have to review and accept tags in posts from others before they appear publicly, and make it so they can only accept friend requests from people they’re already friends with.
• Instagram: Instagram also has privacy settings and special tips for parents that can make it safer for your child to use. You can set their account to private, prevent their images and posts from appearing in search engines, and block or remove followers of the account as needed.
• Reddit: Reddit provides privacy settings similar to those for Facebook and Instagram, such as hiding profiles from search engines. They also offer personalization settings that let you customize how the site uses a user’s data for advertising purposes.
• Snapchat: Snapchat does have account privacy settings, but you must go into their mobile app to customize them. You can control many different aspects of the app with these settings, including who can view your child’s profile, who can contact your child through the app, and who can see your child’s location on the Snap Map.
• Twitter: Twitter offers pages of education and guidance on maintaining privacy on their platform that you can use to better secure your child’s account. They cover information such as profile visibility, protecting personal information, age screening, and avoiding sensitive content on the platform.
• YouTube: YouTube does offer specific parental controls that allow parents to block certain types of content, show content that they’ve already approved, and remove search functionality.

Many popular gaming consoles also offer parental controls that you can use for a variety of purposes. Depending on the system, you can block age-inappropriate games, set timers to turn off the system at certain hours, and password-protect certain parts of the console to prevent children from accessing specific areas (such as the online store or parental control settings).

• Nintendo: Nintendo has a reputation for being family-friendly, and as such, their gaming systems usually have a lot of easy-to-use parental controls. You can restrict online functionalities (such as online gameplay and chatting), prevent access to the network store, and even set a PIN and security question to prevent your child from going in and changing any settings you’ve put in place.
• Playstation: Playstation systems offer parental controls with family accounts — although you can still utilize their controls without one — essentially, you create an account for your entire family and designate yourself as the Family Manager. Then, you can create accounts for your children under yours, and set a variety of protections, including playtime restrictions, chat features, mature content filters, and purchase blocking. You can even access these parental controls for your own mobile device using their app.
• Xbox: Because certain Xbox games can be played both on this system and on any PC, the parental control features for Xbox systems work for both types of devices. These controls also allow you to prevent your children from making unauthorized purchases, playing online with people they don’t know, and playing games that are too mature for their age.

There are countless mobile apps you can use to set digital boundaries for your tweens and teens. Many choose to use parental control technologies for a variety of purposes, including filtering inappropriate content, restricting smartphone usage, and location tracking. Additionally, many of these apps can play an important role in helping to keep your adolescent’s phone secure and safe for them to use. Some of the most popular parental control apps include:

• FamilyTime: This free app lets you track your child’s location, monitor their online activities, and even set up a PIN on your child’s device.
• Google Family Link: Google’s app lets you limit screen time, block or permit apps on your child’s phone at your discretion, and set different restrictions for phone usage during the day and at night.
• Norton Family Parental Control: Norton’s app allows you to set different levels of control based on your child’s age (with younger kids having more restrictions, and older teens having fewer).
• OurPact: This app allows you to track your child’s location and set up geofences, alerting you if your child goes somewhere they aren’t supposed to. It also notifies you when your child attempts to download a new app.

Further, you can use a parental control app in conjunction with the other controls discussed above, as well as with your own rules for media consumption and device usage in your household, to better protect your child.

Start discussing online safety with your kids as soon as they start using the internet, possibly even earlier. Technology is everywhere nowadays, which means your children are likely going to start interacting with the internet, in some way or another, from a fairly early age. If your child is old enough to start going online, then they are old enough to learn about safety.

Further, if you start having these conversations about online safety from a young age, you can better guide your child through the process as they grow up. For instance, you can help them create some of their earlier online accounts to show them how to build a strong password. Then, when they’re older, they’ll already be familiar with these fundamental best practices, can continue incorporating them into their online activities as they learn and do more online, and can ask you for help with more nuanced, complex, and new situations.

Similarly, remember that this needs to be an ongoing discussion with your children. You should talk about age-appropriate issues with your child and continue to address new topics and situations as they get older. For example, the rules and discussions you have regarding cell phone usage for a middle schooler will differ from those that are appropriate for a junior in high school. Simply put, you should start having these discussions early on, but you must continue to revisit this topic with your children to better reflect the issues and situations they can encounter online as they get older.

Similarly, having conversations with your children about sharing private information online is absolutely crucial. Many teens are increasing the amount of personal information they share online, including their full name, birthdate, name of their school, the name of the town they live in, and their cell phone number. Your child must understand what constitutes private information. Younger tweens may accidentally share something they shouldn’t, while older teens sharing information intentionally may not realize the severity of doing so. Information that your children should avoid sharing online includes:

• Passwords;
• Contact information, including phone numbers and email addresses;
• Physical addresses, including their home and school addresses;
• Full name, birth date, and Social Security Number;
• Any financial information, such as bank account numbers or credit card numbers;
• And any other pieces of personal or identifying information, such as medical history or family members’ private information.

Emphasize that you understand how exciting it can be to interact with others online, especially their peers and classmates, but how they have to be cautious about what they share. Some information, such as your child’s name, may be appropriate to share online among their real-world friends on private social media or instant messaging accounts. However, other pieces of information — like passwords, financial information, and Social Security Numbers — should always be kept private, even from their closest friends, family members, and other adults they trust.

On a related note, you should also talk to your child about their online reputation. Part of what makes sharing private information online so dangerous is its permanence. Even if a post is taken down or a profile is deleted, once something has been shared online, it is there forever. This means that your child’s online activities as a teenager could follow them for years to come, even into adulthood.

What your child says online has the potential to impact their personal relationships, as well as their professional and academic opportunities. A growing number of employers screen candidates through their social media profiles, and even college admissions officers may look at an applicant’s profiles when making admissions decisions. So while cursing or sharing inappropriate content in public online spaces may seem like harmless teenage fun, it can have very real consequences for your child if they aren’t careful.

Make sure your child is aware of these risks, and continually remind them to be cautious about what they post publicly. Remind them that if they don’t want you, their siblings, or other adults in their life to see their latest update on social media, they probably shouldn’t be sharing it at all. Another helpful way to get the point across to your kids is to have them think about their online activities compared to their offline ones; if they wouldn’t say or do something in real life, then they shouldn’t do it online.

Make sure your child truly understands the dangers of going online. Let your child know that all of these rules and discussions about digital media and the internet aren’t just about placing restrictions on them or trying to exert control or authority — they truly are about keeping your child safe and ensuring they have the necessary knowledge and skills to protect themselves online, both now and in the future.

Some of the dangers your child should be aware of include:

• Catfishing attempts, where someone pretends to be a different person online;
• Cyberbullying or online harassment, both from strangers and peers;
• Cybersecurity threats, like phishing attempts, accidentally downloading malware, and phone scams;
• Sexual predators;
• Someone stealing private information or committing identity theft;
• Viewing content that is truly inappropriate for their age.

Although some of these dangers may sound extreme or overdramatic to your child, they are very real threats that can have a great impact on them. Talk to them about why these dangers concern you and how you think your rules for media management can mitigate these risks. Your child is far more likely to take your rules seriously if they understand your reasoning for putting them in place and know just how serious these dangers are for their wellbeing.

Being a good digital citizen is all about respect for digital property, for other people online, and for yourself. Having rules about avoiding inappropriate content or being careful about sharing private information isn’t enough; adolescents need to learn about proper online conduct, both with people they know and with people they don’t. It’s all too easy for teens to be flippant about how they use digital devices and interact with others online.

For many teens, this can mean making simple shifts, such as using headphones when listening to music in public spaces or making sure they’re using their phone appropriately during class. However, being a respectful digital citizen can also help prevent and curtail cyberbullying among teens. Even adolescents who wouldn’t bully someone face-to-face may be tempted to join in when someone is being harassed online, since they can hide behind their screens or even another screen name altogether.

It’s important to remind teens that digital citizenship also means being respectful to yourself, your needs, and your online safety. Always let your child know that they don’t have to engage with digital media or people online if they don’t want to, especially if others aren’t being respectful to them.

Education is another core tenant of digital citizenship, and without it, the internet would be all but impossible to navigate. This is the age of information, and humans now have access to more data and knowledge than ever before. While this makes accessing information easier for a greater number of people, it also increases the likelihood that people will run across information that is outdated, spammy, inaccurate, purposefully misleading, or irrelevant and unnecessary. Adolescents have to learn how to sift through all of this to find trustworthy and factual information that comes from reliable, reputable sources, lest they perpetuate the spread of misinformation themselves.

Teach your kids about the various communication and search tools they have available to them, and teach them about how to properly and completely use these tools. For younger tweens, you may even want to show them how to look for something using a search engine and filter through the results to find the information they need from a good source. If your child is more digitally literate, they’ll be set up for greater long-term success as a digital citizen.

Protection is the final piece of effective digital citizenship. Adolescents have to learn about how to keep themselves and their devices safe online, both from cybersecurity threats and from other people. Keeping devices safe from security threats and viruses, including smartphones and computers, is a crucial skill to have in the digital world.

Protection also includes children understanding and asserting their rights to privacy online (such as by customizing their own security settings on online accounts), as well as their right to freedom of speech online. However, they must also be aware of the consequences that can come from the ways in which they choose to enjoy those rights. Discussions surrounding these protected rights should also emphasize the importance of respecting others’ same rights. For example, teens are free to share their political opinions on their social media profiles, but others are equally free to respond however they choose, even if they disagree with the original post.

Finally, protection also means teaching children about how to regulate their own use of technology. Digital citizens know when to unplug and focus on other activities and commitments. Ultimately, this is what managing media for children is all about: teaching them how to self-regulate their screen time so they can understand for themselves how to live with technology in the healthiest possible way.

Managing your child’s relationship with digital media isn’t about restricting or controlling their activities, nor is it about shielding them from all the potential dangers of too much screen time or going online. It’s about education, guidance, and communication. Ideally, teaching your child about engaging with media in a safe and appropriate manner should be a conversation between the two of you that results in your child becoming a fully-informed, confident, and capable digital citizen for the rest of their lives.